Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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