Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
