I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
