Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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