his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
