just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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