Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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