Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
splinters make it hard to masturbate
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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