On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
