I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize