it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My vagina is officially offended.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
