He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize