Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
