he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
His nipple licking is glorious
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