So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
