Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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