This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
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