When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???