Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING