oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.