i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
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I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????