You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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