So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
