we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
