I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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