I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
