Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
