I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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