You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
