Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
