I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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