Whatcha textin bout Willis?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
