This house was built for laser tag.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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