Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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