If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
