Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
