Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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