you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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