my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You are the jesus of drinking
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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