why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
