he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
