google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
