I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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