i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
