How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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