I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
