So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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