is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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