I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
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In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
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The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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