Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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