U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
