The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
