my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
