If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a burrito and a hug.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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