Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
