the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
