i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
