i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
