I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
