I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
FUCK WHALES
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
