Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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