So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
