Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
