First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am available for nakedness
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
