When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
