One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just had sex on a roof
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
