A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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