I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
