just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
