Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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