If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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