I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
